Hey, How Are Ya? Spider’s Game Video

A while ago, I wrote a love song after watching a documentary about spiders having sex. And this song is what happened… it’s called Hey, How Are Ya?

Lyrics:
I was walkin’ down the street one day,
And this women with high heeled legs,
She walked up and started talking to me,
And it was clear I was a man who would beg,

She said hey, how are ya?
She said I’m a black widow lover with a silk web feel,
And we can have sex that will make you squeal,
But in the end, depending on how I feel…
I might bite your head off.

That’s right… just chew off your face and eat it.
I said, what?
She said, I’m a praying mantis lover I can change your fate,
I can give you a spasm that will make you shake

But in the end… depending on the last time I ate,
I might bite your head off.
You know, right where your neck would normally begin.
Just chew off your face and eat it.

I said holy crap that’s pretty harsh let me think about it for a sec…
So what you’re saying is, we could have sex.
But when we’re finished, you might cut my head off… and eat it.
Hm… well that sounds fair to me, count me in!

So this song is really for you young people,
Maybe you’ve never dated anybody before,
Or maybe you’re dating somebody for the very first time,
Well I’m just here to help.

If you are dating someone for the first time,
One of the first things you need to check,
And I don’t want to sound too technical…
But one of the first things you need to check is whether or not she has an exoskeleton,
That’s right… an exoskeleton.

Cause arthropods are difficult people to date in the long run,
But if she does have an exoskeleton,
And you want to date her anyway…
Maybe she’s particularly beautiful…like Kiki.
Maybe she has a scintillating personality… like Kiki.

But unlike Kiki, she has the hard chitin exterior,
Well in that case, my advice is very important
And the entire song has to slow down
In order to accommodate the gravity of the situation

Well I see you walking around town, you know
Looking for that special kind of love,
Maybe it’s that girl in the comic book store with those brightly colored lips
And the weird steel bar in her nose,
I’m just saying, take a sandwich with ya, or maybe a nice Greek salad,

And keep it handy too cause God knows we don’t want her gettin’ hungry later,
If it was up to me I’d put some food in a zip lock bag,
and duct tape it right to my hip…
Cause we don’t want anybody gettin’ hurt.

All we want here is a happy ending.
So with a little bit of luck,
Your first date with arthropod,
Might go something like this..

You walk right into that comic book store,
And that girl with the neon lips,
She walks right up and talks to you,
And grabs you with that… grip.

And she says hey, how are ya…
She reaches down low with an arthropod rub,
She touches your trousers and says what’s this bub?
And you get to say…

That’s a meatball sub.
Hey! How are ya!